its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
