Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
