He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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