you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
