you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
