yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
