We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
