So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
