I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
