I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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