she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
porn star boner night. come get it.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
