Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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