alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
My butt remains clenched, sir.