We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.