party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
