Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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