I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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