Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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