Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
