so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
