barbara walters just said penis...
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
honey bunches of taint.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
