if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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