Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
It's rum buckets o'clock
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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