They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
zippers are such a cool invention
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
