I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
