So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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