my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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