honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
