genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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