I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
