nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
