Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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