after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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