a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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