It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
