You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
