Me. At least after what I've been through.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
