I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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