so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
