That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
