Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Randomize
