You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
