is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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