I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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