He disabled his match.com account in front of me
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
