70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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