I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
