My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
