Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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