was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
