I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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