it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Life is so much better after having sex.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
be right there i have to get my cape
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
