Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
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