i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
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says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
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When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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