I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
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