How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
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