Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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