my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
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Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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