you're like a bully in the Christmas story
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize