Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
