we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
