I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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