I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
