loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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