Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
