you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
