i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
