I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
