Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
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