A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Randomize
