Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
