highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
